Today Brian and I have been married five years! We both have grown and learned so much. Marriage is a great teacher. We have become one, so entwined with each other that we don't feel like ourselves when we are apart, even for short periods of time.
Today I watched Brooklyn sleeping in her crib and was amazed at what our love has made. I'm not just talking about the baby-making itself. I'm talking about everything that comes after--supporting each other, counseling together, feeling pride and joy and love for this beautiful little person we have made and will continue to make as we raise her. We need each other now more than ever. The stakes on our marriage are higher with a child. It is the safe haven in which she will grow up.
I love the things that haven't changed about our marriage--that Brian still has a crush on me and wants everyone to know it; that he's still my favorite person to spend time with; that we still flirt and pray and take long walks. I smile about the things that have changed--that I can now pee in front of him; that I don't cry ALL the time; that we have learned to trust and share more with each other.
Tonight we opened a big packet that was sent to us from the IRS, informing us that we owe $1200 in taxes from 2015 (honest mistake, oops). After processing that whopper of a number and while Brian was trying to interpret the tax jargon in the twenty-page packet, I suddenly started to laugh. Brian looked at me like I had lost my mind, wondering what I could possibly find funny about this situation.
"What a different sort of night this is than the one we had five years ago!" I said. "You know you've been married five years when you spend your anniversary going through documents from the IRS. I feel like we have reached some pinnacle of adulthood."
And you know, Brian, there's no one I'd rather reach it with.
We kept our annual tradition of watching our wedding video, with me making the same comments I do every year:
"Betsie is so small!"
"My dad has more hair."
"My hair was SO RED!"
"Aw, Michael patting you on the back."
"I can't believe I sang to you at our luncheon!"
After watching the video we had some liege waffles from the kit Brian got me for my birthday. After freezing, thawing, refrigerating, and thawing again, the dough had gone bad. But of course Brian still ate them and said they were delicious, just like he has about every bad thing I've cooked since the day we were married. Bless his ambivalent taste buds. Or is he just trying to make me feel better? I'll never know.
In bed we reenacted the way we snuggled our first night together, face to face, arms wrapped around each other in a way that makes them go numb, not sure where to put your head so that you don't breathe right into the other person's mouth. But we were close as we could be, and that was all we wanted.
And still is.